Faith.
Is the key I lack.

I thought of Faith as something irrational.
And was really surprised to discover that true Faith has roots in rationality.

... rational faith is a conviction which is rooted in one's own experience of thought or feeling. Rational faith is not primarily belief in something, but the quality of certainty and firmness which our convictions have. Faith is a character trait pervading the whole personality, rather than a specific belief."

And then things finally were setted on their places.
The Faith I eager to have back is based on confidence in my own knowedges, expirience and rational thinking.

But I'm always undermining all of this.
I'm always searching for proves of what I know and have seen and expirienced.
I'm awating for confirmation from outside that I'm right.
Instead of consistent effort to go further despite all of disbelieve of the world around me.
Because I KNOW.

I don't know how to stand my ground.
But I have to learn this art.

Through rational Faith.

"Rational faith is rooted in productive intellectual and emotional activity."

And I'm starting to develope this strength of mine step by step.
Determining my own foundations.

"To have faith requires courage, the ability to take a risk, the readiness even to accept pain and disappointment."

Sometimes I'll have to accept the losses nessesary to stand my ground.
Everybody will always be willing to change my perspectives to achive their vision of "unity" by creating copies of themselves in others.

Practise of courage and faith

Inspired by Erich Fromm, "Art of Loving"