I have to learn to deal with this madness.

I feel him, this deep connection between us, I want him. I wanna touch him, I wanna kiss him... I wanna us to be whole on every fucking possible level... And this is not what's happening...

I... lose any strengths with a single thought that we might not be together.
I'm going crazy that it might be a play of my imagination.
And life loses it's sense in a second. So, there is nothing to do anymore, nowhere to go.

That makes me a bit angry... I rely on him, I'm... addicted to him. While he's absolutely careless.
And why would he be not? He never promissed me anything.

This lives only inside my head. And that's serious contradiction.

I have to find a way out.