Denestera
"Иногда важно уметь говорить, потому что и в молчании – нет большого смысла." ©
Faith.
Is the key I lack.

I thought of Faith as something irrational.
And was really surprised to discover that true Faith has roots in rationality.

... rational faith is a conviction which is rooted in one's own experience of thought or feeling. Rational faith is not primarily belief in something, but the quality of certainty and firmness which our convictions have. Faith is a character trait pervading the whole personality, rather than a specific belief."

And then things finally were setted on their places.
The Faith I eager to have back is based on confidence in my own knowedges, expirience and rational thinking.

But I'm always undermining all of this.
I'm always searching for proves of what I know and have seen and expirienced.
I'm awating for confirmation from outside that I'm right.
Instead of consistent effort to go further despite all of disbelieve of the world around me.
Because I KNOW.

I don't know how to stand my ground.
But I have to learn this art.

Through rational Faith.

"Rational faith is rooted in productive intellectual and emotional activity."

And I'm starting to develope this strength of mine step by step.
Determining my own foundations.

"To have faith requires courage, the ability to take a risk, the readiness even to accept pain and disappointment."

Sometimes I'll have to accept the losses nessesary to stand my ground.
Everybody will always be willing to change my perspectives to achive their vision of "unity" by creating copies of themselves in others.

"Is there anything to be practiced about faith and courage?
Indeed, faith can be practiced at every moment. It takes faith to bring up a child; it takes faith to fall asleep; it takes faith to begin any work. But we all are accustomed to having this kind of faith. Whoever does not have it suffers from overanxiety about his child, or from insomnia, or from the inability to do any kind of productive work; or he is suspicious, restrained from being close to anybody, or hypochondriacal, or unable to make any long-range plans. To stick to one's judgment about a person even if public opinion or some unforeseen facts seem to invalidate it, to stick to one's convictions even though they are unpopular — all this requires faith and courage. To take the difficulties, setbacks and sorrows of life as a challenge which to overcome makes us stronger, rather than as unjust punishment which should not happen to us, requires faith and courage.
The practice of faith and courage begins with the small details of daily life. The first step is to notice where and when one loses faith, to look through the rationalizations which are used to cover up this loss of faith, to recognize where one acts in a cowardly way, and again how one rationalizes it. To recognize how every betrayal of faith weakens one, and how increased weakness leads to new betrayal, and so on, in a vicious circle. Then one will also recognize that while one is consciously afraid of not being loved, the real, though usually unconscious fear is that of loving. To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love. Can one say more about the practice of faith? Someone else might; if I were a poet or a preacher, I might try. But since I am not either of these, I cannot even try to say more about the practice of faith, but am sure that anyone who is really concerned can learn to have faith as a child learns to walk."


Inspired by Erich Fromm, "Art of Loving"

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